| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2006|03:33 pm] |
i blame my sister for this.
W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N . T H A T?
1. You hung out with? Shannon...well, does watching her sleep count? if not, then ej and her boyfriend trevor.
2. Saw you cry: shannon
3. Went to the movies with you? probably shannon.
4. You went to the mall with? no one, last time I went, it was a solo venture looking for a pair of jeans that would actually fit.
5. You went to dinner with? ej and trevor
6. You talked on the phone to? mom
7. Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it? Yup.
8. Made you laugh? my roomie, sarah.
W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? oh god, needles.
2. Be serious or be funny? Depends on what's happening
3. Drink whole or skim milk? Skim
4. Die in a fire or drown? y'know, i think after a certain point, you're not supposed to feel fire cuz all your nerve endings are seared off. i don't want either, but if I had to choose, probably fire, cuz the thought of claustrophobia makes my heart start to panic.
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? what if they are one in the same? j/k. parents.
D O . Y O U . P R E F E R. .
1. Flowers or candy? Flowers, mini roses from safeway are my current fav.
2. Gray or black? black. tho brown even moreso.
3. Color or Black and white photos? Black and white
4. Lust or love? both are necessary for a good relationship
5. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset
6. M&Ms or Skittles? Skittles! M&Ms. but let's take a moment of silence for the missing Tan.
8. Staying up late or waking up early? I prefer to stay up late, except lately i have insomnia so I wake up EARLY too.
A N S W E R . T R U T H F U L L Y !!
1. Do you like anyone? I'd better, I just moved in with her.
2. Do they know it? I would hope so.
D O . Y O U . P R E F E R. .
1. Sun or moon? the moon. it doesn't blind me if I look directly at it.
2. Winter or Fall? Fall!
3. Left or right? Left...as far left as I can get.
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? 2 best friends
5. Sunny or rainy? sunny if its warm and green out; rainy if there's a wood-burning fireplace available and/or puddles to jump in.
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Twist. hmmm, I want one.
7. Vodka or Jack? Triple Sec. so there.
A B O U T . Y O U!
1. What time is it? 3:39 EST.
2. First and middle Name? Jessica Jean
3. Nickname(s): Yojo, yessica johnson
4. What is your birth date? August 2nd
5. What do you want? what i really really want? a zig-a-zig-ah.
6. Where do you want to live? Canada.
7. How many kids do you want? i think shannon is aiming for 2.
8. You want to get married? when it will actually benefit us federally...oh wait, i guess that'd be never then. when we move to canada.
U N I Q U E !
1. Nervous habit: nail-biting, though i've tried so so so hard to stop; bouncing a leg.
2. Are you double jointed? No
3. Can you roll your tongue? yes?
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? i can even raise two.
5. Can you cross your eyes? yes.
6. Do you make your bed daily? I try. usually on the weekends. during the week, what's the point?
R A N D O M
1. Which shoe goes on first? right foot first.
2. Ever throw a shoe at some one? this is a dumb question. since my sister stole the obvious response, I refuse to answer.
3. On the average, how much money do you carry with you? usually between none to a fair amount.
O T H E R
1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl
2. Have you ever eaten Spam? probably in my youth. would I eat it now? no.
3. Favorite ice cream: phish food...OR any combo from Cold Stone Creamery.
4. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? currently, multi-grain cheerios, peanutbutter cap'n crunch, and two boxes of "Health Heart -- Antioxidants" version, but I refuse to eat it because my favorite is the "Soy Protien" version, and they no longer stock it at the local grocery store. bastards.
5. What's your favorite beverage? why am I still drinking cherry pepsi?!?! i thought i'd given it up. i'm also very fond of Leinney's Red.
IN . T H E . L A S T . M O N T H . H A V E . Y O U ?
1. Had a b/f or g/f?: yup.
2. Bought something: I got an old school beauty/salon chair at a yard sale for four bucks. its awesome! and displayed on the patio. and is in no way white-trashy.
4. Sang: always to the little songs in my head...
5. Been hugged: Yes
6. Felt stupid: when we told the maintenance guy our outlet didn't work...except when we flipped a wall switch, suddenly it worked. oops.
7. Missed someone: yes. I miss my IPC friends.
8. Got drunk: not really. drinks with friends, but not drunk.
9. Danced crazy: not lately. i'm a homebody.
10. Gotten your hair cut: yes!
11. Cried: yes. last night lookin' at my little uigi's picture and collar.
12. Lied: Yes, i was ready to tell my supervisor today that i was running late because a physical therapy appointment, but really i just couldn't get out of bed until after 10am. no one asked me, though.
13. Snuck out of the house: nope. i was an angel. i have snuck INTO the house, the thanksgiving I surprised my family by secretly flying in. |
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| the funny pages--not so funny. |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|11:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | asshole world renown | ] |
let's take a quick walk through today's headlines, shall we?
1. Once again bush is claiming he broke no laws by secretly wiretapping american's phone lines. I hear the song "The Visitors" in my head every time I read more about this...
2. bush's budget for 2006 is stellar--he's upped the pentagon budget by almost 7%, and increased war funding, but also proposes to CUT 141 programs--y'know, like a program that provides food aid to the poor, and medicare. FUCKING BRILLIANT. i hate that man so much.
3. a teenager took a HATCHET to two heads at a gay bar, and then fled to arkansas, where he killed two more people before being shot himself. AND WE'RE STILL ARGUING over whether or not sexual orientation should be covered as a hate crime?
4. this is my favorite--thanks to all of the individuals of the islamic faith who have shown us that a knife wielding, bomb-adorned muhammed is a distortion of the peaceful islamic faith. please, let us thank you...oh wait, is that a molotov cocktail you're throwing at my head?? right. "either you believe i'm peaceful, or i'm gonna kick your ass..." way to get the word out.
5. a seventh-grader in rhode island is under investigation by the secret service because he did his homework. apparently he had to write about "a perfect day," and in his essay, he wrote that the perfect day would involve violence against president bush. he also said he wanted to kill oprah winfrey (her show is irritating anyway), and the head executives of wal mart and the coca-cola corp. now, i don't advocate violence, but perhaps a more constructive way of dealing with this kid's clear understanding of how the corporate world screws us, would be to educate him on more productive ways of dealing with his anger and outrage. but don't punish him for speaking out.
and violence against bush would still be okay.
6. steelers won the superbowl. THAT's a positive, at least.
7. Pearls Before Swine--I love this cartoon. it makes me happy every morning to read my Pearls.
8. hooray for morning sudoku.
the end. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|03:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I'm a believer, the monkees | ] |
i feel like i've so much to do...i'm just not going to do any of it.
such logic.
things have gotten kinda crazy stressful lately. part of that is my own fault, and part is beyond my control.
we are SO strained financially right now at work. we're well over $100,000 in debt. our projected 2006 budget leaves us something like $200,000 in debt. the damn district hiv/aids administration is so freakin' fucked up, they have promised level funding from last year (2004) but we haven't seen any of it. they under-funded us this year, giving us less than what we've gotten in previous years (nevermind the price of things has gone UP over the years). so now we're struggling to find money and NO ONE IS LISTENING. we're getting next to NO foundation support, and people who have funded us in the past have been rejecting us this year. and we have no idea why. in the past year we've applied for over $600,000 in funding...we have recieved, drum roll please, $30,000. that is only 4% of requested funds. i don't know what the hell we're gonna do.
and this of course means that staff won't be getting any raises this january. though i suppose i shouldn't complain, cuz we're lucky we've even got jobs at this point in the HIV/AIDS field. but i could really really use the money. student loan payments are an ever-present stress, and my rent is painfully high. of course i'm partly obsessed with money at this point because of my card game. but my computer is also dead, and i could really use one at home. if my mom goes in to surgery i'm gonna have to find the money for another plane ticket home to be with her, and that's gonna be nice and expensive, cuz i'm sure it'll be a last-minute thing.
recently someone got on my case about not having started a retirement fund. that would be wonderful. but i'm pretty sure that requires having MONEY to put in it?
thankfully, i may have found a cheap but in good condition computer, for something like $275, and shannon is going to foot the bill since I lent her $300+ months ago. that will be extremely helpful, especially since i just accepted a consulting job for a friend of a friend. if all goes as planned, i'm looking at $500 when its finished. though the more i think about it, the more i think i short-changed myself. i promised her 7 proposals for $300, figuring a few of those proposals would be easy cut-and-paste jobs. which they still might be. but when i divide it out...jesus, i'm doin' this stuff for $15 an hour (assuming 20 hours of work). the actual going rate on grant writing consultation is at least $35-40/hour. but this girl is just starting out trying to get a business started, so i know she doesn't have money and even the $500 might be straining her pocketbook. this project also has a very tight time constraint--she needs it all done by the 16th. that's two weeks. two weeks to research, write, compile, and submit 7 grant proposals. what the hell have i agreed to do? to top it off, my weekends aren't really free for writing; i'm helping a friend move this weekend, and i may get some time to write next weekend...i have a hunch that after this week, i won't be making any trips up to baltimore. i'm gonna be sittin' in my apartment every night. i'm okay with that...but i'm gonna miss shannon. grrrr.
at least i have the majority of my christmas shopping done. :-) |
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| vacation |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|12:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ...is getting back your stuff | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 2ge+her, hardest part of breaking up... | ] |
so my boss is on a two-week vacation to new zealand/australia. translated = office shut down for two weeks. not officially, but its already begun--two case managers haven't shown up for work today. no idea where they are. all is quiet. i've done the few housekeeping administrative stuff that's required of me for the day, and the rest of my day is wide open. what shall i do? i could write grants...but like THAT's gonna happen for the first week of jim's absence...
I'm looking forward to this weekend. Pretty relaxed, dogsitting and making some extra cash. and the best part is, the woman i dogsit for is really cool and has no problem with shannon staying over while i'm there. she's even encouraged me to have my girlfriend over. so shannon's picking me up today after work and we're gonna go "home" and watch movies tonight. tomorrow is our 6 month anniversary, so we'll go out to dinner, which is something we havent' done in FOREVER because we're trying to save money. yet somehow, neither of us have that extra money. where did it go? i wish i knew. sunday is a WNT soccer game (rock!) and then an afternoon party with some of shannon's fellow residents. THAT'll be interesting. it'll be nice to put a face to names, and meet her friends...but i'm gonna feel way outta my league, i know their small talk and funny stories will be something straight out of ER, of which I understand nothing. but that's okay. i understand my job will be to stand there and look cute, the trophy girlfriend ;-)
i'm gonna go make some soup. its so icky out today. yay for warm chai and campbell's soup... |
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| productive! |
[Oct. 18th, 2005|03:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | li'l tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | transpersonal cowboy. Aum little doggie... | ] |
oh wow. i've been crazy productive today. i've caught up on all my work. i better pace myself so i'll have something to do tomorrow...i think i'll go print up some sudoku. yeah. that sounds like a good idea... |
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| picture's worth a 1000 words. |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|03:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Sweet Lord, Girlyman | ] |
okay. someone needs to tell me how to get pictures into my livejournal. talk me through it! help! |
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| the wisdom will be ripped out of me |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|03:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  my teeth hurt | ] |
| [ | music |
| | about to put Girlyman on | ] |
just got back from the dentist.
my mouth has never hurt like this after just a cleaning. the hygienist was brutal. my teeth ache.
i also found out i have to have my bottom two wisdom teeth removed. :-(
everyone has been telling me it hurts like a sonuvabitch. great. now i really can't wait. the only upside is that i know my girlfriend will take care of me...and by "take care of me" i of course mean not only the baby-ing and making me soft food meals (i'll probably finagle some backrubs out of it too...i mean, why not?), but also the extra strong prescription pain meds she can call in for me. god i love dating a doctor. |
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| large and in charge |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|01:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  feeling off and on sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sound of case managers bickering. | ] |
y'know, i realize that since i started dating shannon, i've gained a little weight. i'm not exactly happy about it...but i'm also not worried, i haven't doubled in size. in fact, most of my friends from back home/college would probably be happy to know i've gained a few extra pounds. yes, folks, i've finally reached the weight that you would probably describe as healthy. at least no one teases me about the amount of food I eat anymore. it HAS begun to pose some problems, however, seeing as my pants don't quite fit as nicely as they did before...i'm hoping to lose some of the added baggage...i plan to start working out in my apartment's gym...but then, i've been saying that for over a month...i have yet to actually *enter* the gym (i do glance into it as i pass by every once in awhile).
Now, i know i've gained weight. but people who bring this to your attention seem to lack some tact. especially when it happens more than once. by two gay men. the other day i was walking towards the bus stop, where edwin, one of our case managers was standing. as i approached, he said, "you look like you're gaining weight. your face is rounder..." i prentended (mostly) to be offended, and he backpeddled, saying he didn't mean in a bad way...but he kept saying he could tell i've gotten "bigger." wtf?
this yesterday morning i go into our food bank to get a cd. buddy, our manager is down there. as I walk toward his desk, he says "hi, gaining a little weight there, aren't you?" at first i thought edwin must have made some crack to him and he was just jumping off of that. but no. this was a completely independent observation. WTF??
what amazes me is that of all guys, the stereotypical gay male is supposed to be obsessed with his appearance, and therefore, one would think, is more aware of the do's and don'ts...and should KNOW BETTER than to comment on a woman's weight gain. sheesh. are they TRYING to give me a complex??? |
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| I'm baaaaaaaack... |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|10:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | its freezing in the office. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | One Song Glory on my launhcast | ] |
hi. how the hell are yah? yeah yeah yeah, i know its been forever. so long that even those harrassing me to update (*coughstefcough*)have given up. but i am still here! and i am determined to stay more up to date on this thing. so i'll begin with a brief overview of my life the past 6 months...and i may elaborate later on certain parts as they come up in "conversation"...yes? okay.
I think my last post discussed a random date with a girl named sara...termed "baja fresh girl" for those familiar with this story already...forget about that. she was a flake. she agreed to the cherry blossom date, i got it all ready and sat waiting patiently by my phone for her to call me the day we agreed upon to meet up...and she never called. after an hour i decided she was NOT going to ruin my day, or my date idea, so I called up my dear friend scott and asked him out. he met me down on the mall and brought a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of cheap wine. we had a fabulous time, ate our picnic, drank a bottle of wine (is that illegal to do in public? I don't even know), and enjoyed the cherry blossoms. baja fresh girl eventually called me later that day, apparently forgetting we had made plans, and wanted to know if i wanted to get together and hang out that night. i was less than encouraging, we had polite conversation (i didn't feel the need to remind her of our picnic plans), and when we hung up the phone, neither of us made an effort to make another one. i was pretty happy with this decision.
especially since two days later i got an email from a girl from PNO. she emailed me at PNO for free, but when i didn't respond (i never check the PNO inbox), she paid the $5 bucks for the 3 day trial period to get my real email address. I thought that was pretty sweet, especially considering I had *just* read her PNO email and was planning on responding. She sounded interesting--a doctor from baltimore, we had similar interests, so I wrote back. we played email tag for a few days, and i eventually got up the nerve to talk to her on the phone. Our first phone convo, she was on call at work, so we couldn't talk for long, and we were interupted constantly with her pager going off and her needing to put the cell phone down to return pager calls (which...i admit was pretty attractive, her little "this is Dr. Shevock returning your page..." and listing off instructions that would make ER cast members envious...). The next night we talked for over 5 hours. And every night after that, we spent at least 3 hours on the phone. By the end of the week we decided it was time for a date. The following Friday she picked me up at work, we went back to Baltimore, went out for Thai food, went back to her place and watched movies. That was April 22, and we've been together since. Coming up on our 6 mo. anniversary in a week. (so much for my 4 month expiration date!). Shannon is wonderful and i absolutely love her. i've met her parents, and all of her siblings. we've stayed a weekend or two at her mom's place in PA, hanging out with her youngest brother and her mom; they're great, and i know they like me (her mom refuses to respond to me unless i call her "mom"...). We've spent a couple weekends in VA with her brother and sister-in-law, who just had a baby boy (the first grandchild in the family). We went down to visit less than a week after the birth, we walked in the door, and i was immediately referred to as "Aunt Jess." He's adorable and i love him and can't wait to babysit. which is huge; if you know me, you know i don't like kids, and I definitely don't like babies. i'm always afraid i'll break them. but i adore little jimmy...he even makes me think i may want one some day...
in june shannon came home with me to WI and met my family--immediate and extended. i was a little nervous--never brought a girl home before, wasn't sure how my family would react. and i'd never blatantly come out to my aunts/uncles/cousins/grandma. i knew they knew, but i never said it matter-of-factly so i wasn't sure how they would respond, either. but it was worries for naught--everyone loved her. huge hugs all around, "glad to finally meet you!"s and "you're coming back for Thanksgiving, right?" it was wonderful.
in late august we also took a trip to minneapolis for ellis and terri's wedding, so shannon got to meet my friends from the IPC group, which was great. I've become really close to some of these girls and i really wanted them to meet shannon. we had a great weekend hanging out, the wedding was *beautiful*, of course e & t were gorgeous--ellis in her tux, terri in a beautiful dress--and it was great catching up with friends.
so, things in the romance department are fabulous. i am definitely head over heels, and its to a disgusting degree. you probably wouldn't want to be around us.
of course much more is happening in life beyond love. I have moved to a studio apartment (sounds much nicer than "efficiency") in Silver Spring, MD, which is just a short metro ride to work and the city. i love my new neighborhood, the only downfall is that i don't see my city friends as much. but then, it seems everyone has kind of fallen into a routine of life that doesn't really allow us to spend much time together--new jobs, school, etc. have made it difficult to get together. so i think its more of a schedule thing, as opposed to a distance thing.
work is going well. got a promotion, my new title is "Fundraising Development & Program Coordinator." its a mouthful, but it looks nice on paper. we're still having funding problems, but then, aren't we always? we've had a few smaller grants trickle in, and in the next week or two i should be doing another proposal blitz and applying for a bunch more. i'm just trying to find the motivation.
my card game has been on hold for awhile, financially i'm not stable enough yet to take out a large loan to cover the printing cost, nor can i put it all on a credit card. my rent has gone up, and other expenses have really hacked into my reserve funds. I have to slowly build it up again before I can even consider my venture...which is frustrating. i want to print already! The website is up and running (http://www.breakups-suck.com). I'm also going to be talking to a friend of mine about working together in marketing...i may have the idea, and can take care of the business aspect of things...but i'm not a people person, and I'm not a retailer. I don't think I can "sell" my product, so I need someone with an outgoing personality who can schmooze and win buyers over. my friend seems interested, so i'm hoping we can work something out. i have all the designs done, my design guy is working on my tuck box now--the final piece needed before printing--so in a week or two i'll have all the artwork done, on cd, just waiting for the printer. i was hoping i could get it printed and marketable by valentine's day, but I think i may have to aim for valentine's day 2007. financially, i don't think i can do it this year. it gets frustrating, and i go through phases where i doubt myself and the card game's potential...but then i get another step done in the process and i get really excited again. patience is all i need...
my book is on hold. it has been on hold for a very long time. i've felt writer's block...and just overwhelmed in general with the idea. shannon asked me a couple weeks ago to explain the idea to her...and as i got further and further into detail i realized i really do know what i'm talking about, and i really do have a great idea here...i talked for something like an hour and a half nonstop, and could have continued on...the wealth of information is just overwhelming. trying to organize it...just intimidates me and makes me stop before i even start. but i've decided to really start focusing again.
okay. more later. i need to find something to eat. |
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| MIA |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|11:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the hum of my A/C unit | ] |
so don't get excited, this doesn't mean i'll be posting frequently. but i'm a little bored tonight and not yet very sleepy, so here i am.
updates: work--going well. i think i'm passive-aggressively avoiding doing real work there until i get my new job description and the related pay-raise. i think subconsciously i've been thinking if I'm not getting PAID to do the extra work, i'm just gonna drag my feet in doing it. that's a problem, I know. it doesn't help i figured out how to download the L word on my computer. so i admit a few hours every week is devoted to that. i promised myself i wouldn't download anthing else...but then last week i found a copy of the Incredibles and I really wanted to see it...this is a bad, bad habit i may be starting. we're talking my WORK computer. i'm going to try and limit myself to L word...
we're having some major issues with the dc HIV/AIDS Administration, and its messing with our funding sitation. it gets political and complicated...HAA is the organization that doles out all the federal money devoted to HIV/AIDS to all the area HIV/AIDS providers. what we're discovering is the completely inept management of HAA has resulted in major funding cuts, money going to orgs that don't even HAVE HIV programs, budgets aren't matching up, and its all just a huge freakin' mess. and who pays the price? our clients. its very frustrating.
my roomie and i are getting along really well lately, which has been really nice. we've been getting some nice chat time together in, we're laughing a lot and goofy together. like all relationships, there are highs and lows, and we've had our share, but for now we're in a high, and i like that.
my card game is coming along, i'm waiting on printing prices and jenny dean hasn't gotten back to me yet about design stuff. it may be more expensive than i anticipated...the printing, that is...but i think i'll go ahead with the project regardless. i have to--when else am i gonna get the chance? and i have a good feeling about it...it could really turn into something...
i've been researching and reading like crazy for my book. i haven't been writing a whole lot, but i have the *desire* to write, i just haven't yet had the time. its a good feeling, i'm not feeling blocked at all, and its all simmering just beneath the surface for me. i'm excited to actually start writing and getting my thoughts organized on paper.
had a date with a girl named sara a week ago last friday. we had a nice time...she's attractive, funny, intelligent. we have similar senses of humor, which is really great. i never clicked very well, in humor, with ******* or **. this girl knows how to dish it out, and take it. its playful and i like that. we had a good time, i'm definitely interested in her. i'm not exactly sure where she's at...we were supposed to hang out last thursday night--watch a movie at her place--but at the last minute discovered she had to work. she invited me up to her restaurant, said she'd buy me dinner at work...i kinda thought this meant she'd have a short break or a lull in customers to chat with me for a bit...but that was totally not the case. i hauled my ass all the way up to silver spring (45 minute round trip) to sit at baja fresh for an hour, and got to talk to her for a total of maybe 10 minutes. kind of a bummer. however, she did look pretty cute in a white buttondown, sleeves rolled up, and a tie. i don't regret the trip, if for just that reason. however, it ended a little awkwardly, with a distant smile and wave goodbye at the end of the evening...that was 3 days ago, and i've heard nothing from her whatsoever. i'm not sure if that means anything or not...she's been working every day since...so there's a chance i'll hear from her tomorrow, since its her day off...i feel i've been pretty up front with the fact i'm interested...initially following this last "date" i decided i'd let her make the next "move," if she wants to go out again, i'd let her contact me instead of vice versa...but she hasn't, and now i'm wondering if maybe she thinks i'm mad about the date cancellation thing and is waiting to see if *i* contact her. mostly i'm just impatient, and despite the possible negative consequences of coming off as overwhelming, i think i may email her tomorrow...if she hasn't contacted me yet...to see if she has a free day during the week. the cherry blossoms in dc are blooming and they're supposed to be beautiful. i've been planning *forever* a cute little date idea and damnit, i wanna actualize it. a day spent walking around by the cherry blossoms and a picnic lunch/supper of bread, olive oil, cheese, apples, and white wine with a cute girl. i want this date, damnit. so i think i may email her, see if she has a free day...and then invite her dog to go for a walk with me...and then oh, of course, she's welcome to come as well...i think that may go over well...
we'll see.
okay. now i'm sleepy and its time for me to go to bed.
g'night.
i may or may not have anything more to say in the coming days... |
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| unable to share |
[Nov. 18th, 2004|10:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | reflective | ] |
| [ | music |
| | wicked | ] |
livejournal is addictive and voyeuristic...but i can't NOT check the journals of people I know. its a compulsion. even people I don't talk to anymore. friends from college i haven't spoken to in three years...but i know what they're doin' and where they live and who they date, thanks to livejournal.
the only downfall is that, because they don't know i know about their livejournals (telling them would divulge *I* have a livejournal, and more times than not i don't want them knowing...at least, not yet)...so when something good--or bad--happens i'm silenced. ********** got a job. that makes me happy. but congratulations have to be stifled. even more difficult...** announced his petition for a name change went through without a hitch, and he got his T...if he's started taking it yet I don't know, but...i'm so happy for him, want to talk to him...but know i can't. not yet. it would feel good for a few days and then i'd feel like crap all over again. or maybe not. but its too soon to tell, and i don't want to make that mistake. i need to be sure. i read his journal entry and just grinned from ear to ear...i miss him.
yesterday i read through my old entries...and i went through some old emails i'd sent to friends...it was bizarre to me to read emails directly prior and directly following when ** told me about his transitioning. the "she's" abound...and as emails/entries progress those shes become hes...** comes much easier than ***** does now...if i refer to our dating to someone its almost always '**' or 'he'...kind of amazing how...well, easily, that shift took place. when i first found out i thought it would be next to impossible to ever truly see him as...him. and not as my ex-GIRLfriend. now just three months later and...85% of the time i forget the inconsistency...the only time i catch notice of it is if i refer to my ex as "him" with someone who doesn't know ** is/was *****... |
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| argh! |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|08:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | still tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | watchin' eliot stabler bring in the bad guy | ] |
argh! tegan and sara are playin' in DC on the 29th of november...at 8:30...my flight from home doesn't get in until 10:30. ARGH. tegan and sara NEVER play in this area!
however, i just found out sam shaber and anne heaton are playin' Iota on the 12 of December. THAT's exciting. 'specially cuz sam is comin' back in january to do a house concert with a friend. hooray for house concerts that I don't have to plan or stress about!
the next few months are gonna be good for music, then, with sam and anne...then ellis in january (supposedly)...sam again in january...yay. |
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| day after |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|07:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed. seriously depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none...i think a "doink doink" in about two minutes... | ] |
my day, summed up:
*discover all eleven states passed the marriage ban ammendment. i hope everyone who voted against my basic human right feels safer, and loves their own partner more now that i can't legally love mine.
*discover bush has taken the lead in electoral votes, and that ohio would most likely be called for bush. fuckin' ohio. what were you thinking?!? FOUR MORE YEARS. are you insane?
*disappointment when kerry calls bush by 11 am to concede his defeat. wtf? he owed it to his supporters to wait until all the votes were counted. ten days, my friend, is not too long to wait for justice. not only do i hate bush, but now i have a heavy heart full of disappointment regarding the guy i voted for.
*the dc hiv/aids administration's sole purpose in life is to confuse mine. i have two grants due in less than a week and a half, a very very sketchy idea as to what how to write them, an even sketchier idea as to how to get the documentation they're requiring (not even sure we meet the requirements anymore), and my boss decides next week would be a good week to go to london. so he'll be so out of touch as to be half a world away while i try to salvage these grants that RUN OUR ENTIRE FOOD BANK PROGRAM. he comes back into the country on the very day the grants are due, hopefully in time to sign all the certificates and assurances before i madly make copies and try to turn it in on time. this is becoming *highly* stressful to me.
if america were collectively given an iq test...i think we'd just barely sneak by without a mental retardation diagnosis. i am not kidding.
oh, AND I didn't realize until i got home that law & order: svu isn't on tonight, its wednesday. figures. |
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| the problem with wireless |
[Oct. 29th, 2004|11:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | why am i still awake? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | seasons of love | ] |
the problem with wireless is that i crawl into bed at a reasonable hour but then find myself web browsing for a bit...then i look at the clock, an hour has gone by, and i'm exhausted. why am i still up??
so how much do i love heather. i emailed her this morning asking about potential canoe rentals in the city...she called me an hour ago to give me the head's up on a rental place in georgetown. i'm so excited. i'm so makin' lou go canoeing with me tomorrow!
whoooo...its been like five years, people. i can't wait to get back into a canoe... |
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| hmm |
[Oct. 28th, 2004|06:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | antsy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | matchbox twenty, unwell | ] |
is it wrong that my main form of sustenance today were twinkies? |
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| music war |
[Oct. 28th, 2004|02:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | defensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | co-worker's talk radio. this has got to stop. | ] |
bollocks.
so the new case manager is over-stepping his bounds. he's decided to bring in a radio for his desk...this directly conflicts with MY music choices, as our offices connect and sound travels quite well in this old building. This is going to greatly diminish whatever appeal he held before. he's a nice guy...but dude, you're infringing on my previously unchallenged right to pick the office music.
dueling music shall ensue.
speaking of dueling, recently i started watching "Deliverance" on tv...i've only ever heard of the movie...and apparently its reputation is enough to creep me out, cuz i watched the first half hour or in anxiety...and the minute the two guys got outta their canoe and ran into the two creepy rednecks and were told to head deeper into the woods...yeah, i decided it was time to go visit a friend. I'm glad i never developed the dueling banjos/deliverance connection...i happen to enjoy dueling banjos (or fiddles, or guitars, or whatever)...and am pretty sure this wouldn't be the case if the music was inextricably connected to anal rape. |
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| non-profit cash flow |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|01:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | some group called buddhahead | ] |
so does anyone else think its wierd that we, as a non-profit, have to ask the government for money. and the grants they approve are for tech support and such, but NOT necessarily for the actual services we provide? we got a grant we had to spend...and we had to spend it on computer stuff...we are now the proud owners of a plasma flatscreen tv, a brand-spankin-new projector, a ton of flatscreens for computers, and other nifty expensive techy stuff. We couldn't spend the thousands of dollars on, say, FOOD, or housing, or retreat materials...no, it had to be spent on electronics.
how many non-profits have a wide-screen plasma tv? this strikes me as bizarre. but we seriously had no choice.
i'm gonna go watch a movie about AIDS on our new tv now. i'm even gonna make popcorn. grants, what? planning homeless walks, what? movies? aw yeah... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|11:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | procrastinate-ish | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the chanukah song, adam sandler | ] |
this just made me laugh. |
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| and out of curiosity... |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|09:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | oh sure | ] |
| [ | music |
| | joe diffie, bigger than the beatles | ] |
...who is nanci griffin, and why does she think she has a place in my web radio? i don't know who she is. i've never heard of her. but her songs keep poppin' up from 1997. and its startin' to irritate me. wtf nanci. you don't BELONG here. don't you know you weren't an artist from the 90's? if you were, *I* would have known. so go find your own damn radio station. stay off my 90's country.
i've decided to forgo the high heel race in favor of Law & Order: SVU and grantwriting. |
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partyforone's journal